Suffice it to say, being newly married with a new baby at age forty is a game changer. Of course any new baby is, but adding that other stuff too, as well as each of us already having a teenager, and oh yeah, throw in the Down Syndrome thing and multiple surgeries as well…sometimes I can’t believe how different my life is from what it was three years ago. Real life coming at you like this, well it can show you what you’re made of, and what your loved ones are made of, too.
Our sweet little Betsy was born in mid-October. That following December, my husband Ian (The Producer himself) embarked on a creative journey that has further changed our lives dramatically. The main catalyst being his decision to write a song for Betsy. He was taking a songwriting course online, and knew he had the perfect tiny muse. Ian had recently revamped a chunk of our basement into a really cool workspace for himself, since he often works from home (it has since morphed into an amazing studio space, as well). He was spending a lot of time there, and I could hear music bumping quite often, for awhile the same melody and beat wafting up the stairs repeatedly. Me, I was trying to adjust to well, everything, with my post-partum self, so I was really too tired to think much about it, but the soon familiar vibrations began to feel somewhat comforting.
Then one evening he took me downstairs and played his song for me. As I sat there with him, I tried listening to the lyrics carefully, but I was so overwhelmed with it all that I had trouble focusing. I had tears in my eyes and a grin taking up my whole face. I had heard songs he had written before, it’s definitely something he is good at. But this made my heart swell with affection and pride both in my husband and our tiny daughter. It was simple, silly, and sweet, full of fun and hope for our little girl’s future. I told him I loved it and gave him a big hug.
From that moment on, the song pretty much lived in my head, although I could only distinctly remember the first verse, and I began singing it to her on the regular. I love the little inside jokes, like calling her “mustard butt,” and his references to hot peppers and 3D printing. As long as I’ve known him, Ian has liked to make tools, trinkets, and other useful objects with his 3D printer, and I have a few things he’s given me that are easily some of my favorite gifts ever received. And Ian and his son both absolutely love hot peppers, adding them to any dish they can, or else just covering their food in cayenne pepper. As for the mustard butt thing, well, anyone who’s changed enough newborn diapers can understand that. Here’s Ian’s own explanation of the lyrics:
“My wife and I just had a baby so this is about the baby. Betsy, of course.
Past present future. Although it's more present, future, farther future. A newborn growing into childhood and then becoming an adult.
I use the comparison of a 3D printer forming filament into a new shape, as of a new person. Also, hot peppers. Going from hot, to hotter, to insanely hot.”
He originally recorded the song with his own voice, but told me early on that he wanted to re-record it using my vocals instead. It was months before we got around to doing that, and by then he had evolved the song even further. He says I sing it almost like a lullaby, which sounds about right because I’d always sing it to her. With this song, I don’t feel like it’s about showcasing my voice, because I don’t go to extra lengths to make it sound pretty, it’s more about the lyrics being clear. Ian’s voice chimes in behind mine in the chorus. You’ll notice a third voice present in the song as well; toward the end, before the final chorus, you’ll hear a newborn’s cry, that being Betsy herself. The crying came from a video I shot on my phone while she was still in NICU (although she still pretty much sounds the same when she cries). Anyway, she’ll eventually be able to say she had her first vocal song credit at age one, and how many people can say that?
Also included in this release is a techno remix version of Filament, which is even more fun. I think Ian knew from the beginning that he wanted to do one for this song, and he really shines here. When he first started on it, he was having trouble getting it to sound like he really wanted, and for a bit there he felt like he’d lost the magic. That was until he added in a new arpeggio, and suddenly he had the magic back. By the time he finished it, he liked it even better than the original! Me, I can’t decide which one I like better, I love them both!
I am super proud of my husband for so many reasons, and this song is a huge one. I have thoroughly enjoyed watching him bloom like this and putting his passion into something so worthwhile. I am so thankful he included me and let me add my own creative energy into the project. I absolutely love working on songs with him, and we seem to make a pretty great team. And when Betsy is old enough to understand the song, it will mean so much to her, and for the rest of her life. I hope it is always a reminder of how much her parents love her.
Here are some links you can use to stream or download Filament on different platforms. The first button has several different ways, and I included separate buttons for iTunes and YouTube Music, since they weren’t on the initial list. We hope you will listen and enjoy it over and over. Thank you for reading and listening!
Wanna read more about Betsy? You can check out my personal Substack, The Upside Downs by tapping/clicking this button. Thank you for your support!
Kristin, Beautiful song, and after reading your post I had tears on my eyes empathizing with you how you felt when you heard it for the first time. Happy tears! Thank you for sharing Filament and more moments with Betsy 😢 🤗
This is so beautiful it brought actual tears to my eyes. Every single aspect of this story, including the way the two of you came together to create something so beautiful, for a being that you also created so beautiful. All of this is such an unbelievable testament to your bond, strength and character... and I needed to hear a story like this today. Makes me feel like there's still hope for true love and "true overcoming of all things while remaining intact" in this world. I know this is on Kristin's husbands substack, I will repost this comment on hers as well. Thank you both.